I wanted to wait a week before posting this just in case I changed my mind or had regrets or made more excuses to not be happy. I wrote this after work last week (to the day) because I wanted to remember the moment I started the ball rolling in the direction of my goals. I hope to one day look back and realise that I have done the right thing. So, here goes:
I am writing in my favourite corner of the house, listening to the pitter-patter of rain. I exhaled with relief. This morning I woke up optimistic, the world seems lighter – both in weight and colour. The day, though bleak and washed out from the rain, seemed a lot brighter. It has been a long time coming but it finally happened. After a long and difficult year and four months, I finally am free.
Having looked back to my previous posts, I realised how miserable and negative my writing had been these past few months. It was hard to be positive with the constant demand from several different jobs and having to work a lot outside of my scheduled hours. It meant sacrificing quality time with family and friends. In December, I gave them my notice and today, I saw my last client and waved my goodbyes to the people that I have spent the last year and a bit working with.
I LOVE working as an Exercise Physiologist. (side note: I have even come to miss it this past week). I am grateful for the opportunities that the job have given me. I learnt so much there. I will remember it fondly for the lessons, both professional and life-related. I do believe that I have come out stronger, more confident and with a hell of a lot more understanding of the world.
However, a blind man could see that this place was not the right fit for me. I needed something else, something different. It wasn’t until I realised what kind of life I wanted and deserved, that I started to see in colour again. Everything came back into focus for me and my motivation returned.
I grew up surrounded by hard working people. Hard work was never my issue. I was just unhappy because I had no time to do what I love. I had to let some things go and unfortunately, this was the thing that had to go. Who knows, maybe someday soon I will return to this field of work, but for now, I need the time to take my own advice and follow my passion. I never want to end up wondering, what if?
I AM scared. It’s a far out goal to reach. You see, apparently, your body is meant to protect your vital organs by prioritising its oxygen supply. That’s why your legs or arms will tire long before your heart, lungs or your brain give out. All there is left to see now is how far my heart will let my legs carry me towards my goals. How far can I climb uphill after jumping off a few thousand feet and barely landing on my feet? I have no regrets, but boy, am I glad that I am now at the bottom of a hill and no longer at the edge of a cliff.